Self Effacing
by rhet0ric
Summary: Bella comes to Forks suffering from a sexually abusive household, turning to self mutilation and squandering her body as a means of comfort and determining her self-worth. Edward notices her scars, and her fresh blood overwhelms him. AU Storyline.
1. Chapter 1

**Edward's POV.**

High school. Or was it hell?

Leaning over his untouched prop of a lunch tray, Edward heaved a sigh as boredom took its usual routine of consuming him within the walls of Forks High. Nothing was even remotely appealing to him; not the food obviously, that he couldn't even partake of with any sort of satisfaction; not his siblings' small talk, which he was growing less and less apart of these days; not the night a normal teenager had to look forward to which might be fraught with parties and friends. No, Edward Cullen's outlook was quite daunted as he peered around the cafeteria this particular dreary afternoon. _Just another day in a million_, he thought desolately. _No rhyme, reason, or purpose to it_.

They'd only moved back to Forks about two years ago, and already he was chomping at the bit to leave once more. Edward knew he couldn't ask that of his family, however. Of all the little nowhere towns they'd frequented over the decades, the Olympic Peninsula had been the most forgiving, although murky. The days were overcast for the majority, a blessing to the Cullens; they'd been able to enroll at the local high school and try to immerse themselves into a relatively ordinary lifestyle. On the few days the sun would prevail, they would keep away from the public eye and trek into the nearby stretch of mountain range, feeding and returning all the more prone to the constant temptation of human blood that was the student body. Still, even Edward had to acquiesce that it beat living in a world of night for the majority of a century. He could deny himself the lust for blood among this sea of unsuspecting dupes with relative ease until it was time for the Cullens to pick up and start over again.

Or so he thought.

The normal flood of voices soaring around him, the ones only their owners and he were privy to, were all carrying on the same way this dreary Forks afternoon. Unlike the usual pondering of homework, test results, and less conventional hormone-induced daydreams, today the streams of thoughts the mind reader procured from the student body were all centrally focused around the new girl in town. He hadn't seen her for himself, but in the mind's eye of several of his classmates she seemed like nothing out of the ordinary – brunette, plain face, a little on the short side. He couldn't fathom what all the fuss was about, how every male on campus had already fascinated how he would lure her into the moonlight and be her escort to this year's prom. _Come to think of it,_ Edward realized, _this was her lunch hour as well._He'd seen that meathead Mike Newton stressing over how his hair would look when she joined his table for the meal as promised. He'd be able to take a peak for himself.

Turning up the volume to listen more intently to the "voices" he found circulating in the company of this Isabella Swan, he tried to find a new pitch among the monotony. Right where she would have been sitting, there was no voice, no sound, utter silence. It was as if no one were even sitting there. Squinting slightly, he cocked his gaze just enough to take in the table in question. There she was. Dark waves cascaded down across her shoulders as she hovered above her food, shielding her eyes from view. A delicate hand curled out around a stalk of celery, and then he noticed it; even though she seemed plain from afar, he could now see with his own eyes how much frailer she seemed than the rest of her classmates. Her skin was pale – that was odd in and of itself, wasn't it? Hadn't she supposedly moved back from Arizona, where sunshine was prevalent? – so pale in fact, it seemed almost translucent. He could see the blue veins pulsating beneath the skin even across the room, but he averted his gaze from her slender wrist. _No Edward, you mustn't concentrate on those. You know better. You know where your mind will wander to._

Reigning himself in, he kept his eyes in her direction until she lifted her head… and their eyes met. She shifted them quickly to the left, to pretend to be included in on her newfound friend's conversations, but it didn't prevent the split second their eyes had met. Her eyes weren't quite as plain as he had first thought; they were wide, a deep chocolate brown that seemed more fluid than your average brown eyes, framed in naturally long, feathered lashes. Edward concentrated on them even after Isabella – no, Bella. She preferred to be called Bella, she'd been telling everyone she met that today – had looked away. Maybe if he concentrated a little longer, he would hear her mind as well. Then again, why was he bothering so much? Her mind couldn't be any more interesting than the other minds that roamed these hallways. His family, the Cullens, were his only exception to that rule. They stood out in that way, in every way really. The students and teachers alike kept their distance from them and gave them leeway they reserved for no one else. They were humans after all, and though their conscious minds couldn't guess at why they naturally avoided these strange siblings, their instincts told them to stray away for their own safety. Edward couldn't help but smirk to himself as he acknowledged how right they were. Natural selection made the Cullens predators, and the mortals they walked among on a daily basis their prey. There was no denying that ultimate truth.

Patience rewarded him. Curiosity blazing in her rather lovely orbs, Bella chanced another peak at the Cullen table, at Edward in particular. She flushed when she realized his eyes were still on her. A small victory for him, but there was still one problem. No sound. No voice. Nothing spoke to him besides those eyes. How could that be possible? For nearly the century he'd been an immortal, he'd never crossed paths with someone whose mind was completely blank. _No, that can't be possible,_he mused. Everyone had thoughts, even the mentally deranged, and it was clear that this girl definitely did not belong in that category. Could she be blocking him from entering her mind? Doubtful. She was human, that was obvious. Edward could see the blood circulating through those veins.

"Hey man." For the first time in several minutes, he took his eyes off of Bella Swan to face his lunch once more, taking a steadying breath. His bulkiest brother, Emmett, had nudged his arm to get his attention. Edward hadn't realized he'd been so absorbed.

"Hm?" he replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

"You alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Emmett snickered.

Edward cracked a grin at the look Alice shot him for the pale joke. "Of course. Just bored."

"Bored? On a day like this? This is the most excitement you're gonna get. Just look at that fresh meat." Reflexively, Edward stole another glance in Bella Swan's direction. "Oh wait," Emmett continued on mockingly. "You have been for the last five minutes."

"Shut up," he scoffed, sulkingly ripping his pizza in two.

"Is she afraid of us yet?" his brother inquired, unabashed.

Edward paused, choosing his next words carefully. "Can't tell," he settled on.

Emmett seemed satisfied at this answer and turned back to Rosalie, carrying on with plans for another hunting trip to feed. They had to leave town for the day to do so. No sense in risking exposure or putting the town's citizens in danger by doing it close to town. Swiveling a look across the table, Edward saw that Jasper could really use it. The circles under his eyes were turning a more pronounced shade of purple than they usually allowed, and the iris' themselves were a luminous ebony. Jasper was having the hardest time of them all walking the halls these days; he'd come from a past history as an immortal that didn't include a vampiric vegetarian lifestyle. It was dangerous to let him go so long without feeding, and though Alice kept her ability to see into the future well in check to see if there was any trouble on the horizon for him, Edward kept just as watchful an eye on his thoughts and how they steadily took a turn for the worse. He was imagining how satisfying it would be to turn and rip at a girl's jugular that had the bad luck of walking close enough for her scent to fill his nostrils. Both Alice and Edward's eyes met as she tried to comfort him, coaxing her beloved Jasper to picture the girl as any a person, an individual, while she wordlessly sent a question aimed directly at Edward. They were especially good at these silent conversations; they were the freaks among freaks after all, and had to stay close.

_Something's wrong._Alright, it wasn't so much a question as a statement. But it was voiced with intentions to learn the reasoning behind it, still and all.

Begrudgingly, Edward lifted his eyes to the new girl once more, who seemed to be taking extra precaution to avert her gaze from his table at all costs. It pleased him to see how flustered she still looked over their minor transaction. He highly doubted he was only imagining the faint rouge tint to her high, taunt cheekbones. Feeling Alice follow his gaze, he caught her brow furrowing out of the corner of his eye. _Does she suspect something?_

His head swiveled to and fro infinitesimally, just enough of a motion for someone who was looking for it to detect. Alice, of course, picked it up without fault. _Then what...?_

It was nothing, he silently reassured himself. It wouldn't even end up being worth the energy it was taxing him now to fret over it. But it baffled him so. He just couldn't help it. Could he?

The bell chimed loudly in his ears, signifying the transition of class hours. _Saved by the bell_, he almost grinned with amusement at the irony. Biology was next, wherein he had no one to share a lab table with. He could reflect then in peace so long as the teacher didn't aim any questions his way. No one would bother him. He liked it that way.

Finally perched on his stool in the seclusion of his window seat, the other students started to file into the lab room behind him. As per usual, no one even dared to make eye contact. It was just his luck, as today more than ever he wanted to sit in restitution with his own thoughts, muddle over the way lunch had progressed. It just didn't make sense at the time, that's all. No human alive had ever been able to shut out his power, keep their mind from him. Edward had a solution already worked out. This afternoon, he would shoot straight to his Volvo after class with the rest of his family in tow, drop them off at the Cullen estate, and zoom over to the hospital where Carlisle was working a double shift, and he'd ask his mentor and creator himself. Carlisle could fill in any gaps if Edward failed to think of a probable cause by the end of the school day. While Edward was the first companion Carlisle had ever sired, there were still several decades of experience and knowledge his father figure had acquired that he lacked. If anyone would have the answers, it was him.

That's when it happened.

First it was only a slight annoyance. Mike Newton, of course, was the first of the heads to pop up_. She's in my Biology class. Yes, this is perfect. I hope she sits next to me. This'll give me an excuse to walk her from lunch everyday…_ Edward rolled his eyes at the puppy dog fascination this boy had with her. "Ah, Miss Swan! I see you've found your way," Mr. Banner called over the sound of the oscillating fan at the front of the classroom. More heads popped up, more voices calling out her name. _So_ that's _the new girl. I wonder if we'll become friends._ From the far corner of the room. _She looks so pale. It might just be the lights, but damn she looks white as a ghost._ From a few seats away. _I've never seen Chief Swan's daughter before. I heard his ex-wife was a nutcase. This girl doesn't look like a harebrain though. She looks pretty smart, kinda quiet. Too pretty to be a nerd though. I wonder where she's gonna sit?_ Edward already knew the answer to that question. Bella Swan had the unfortunate luck of joining the class that contained only one free seat that just happened to be located to his right. _It might not be a horrible thing,_Edward mused as he began to shift his books to his left side to make room for her. Though such a short distance as being across a lunchroom versus sitting right beside him had never affected his ability before, perhaps it would make the difference now. The thought intrigued him. That is, until she walked in front of that damn fan.

The scent that drifted off of those dark waves of hair hit him like a wrecking ball, and a thud that didn't do justice to the urgency of the moment resounded in his ears as his hand flew from the spine of his mathematics textbook up to his face, attempting to block off any air entering his nostrils. But it was too late. Her scent was already slowly seeping into his veins like a poison, threatening to eat him alive. Edward had to fight the flames that licked at his throat, threatening to turn him into something more inhuman than his façade allowed. Just then, the dark little man handed the girl a thick volume and pointed her in his direction. Their eyes met fleetingly as they had in the lunchroom. But this time, her pupils dilated in horror as she looked down as quickly as possible. _You should be afraid_, a feral snarl curled at the edges of his mind, threatening to ensnare him.

It took every inch of his self control to keep from lunging across the table at her, and even more not to sink his teeth into her artery as she took her designated seat beside him. Edward could feel his innards quaking, straining with the effort to remain a safe distance from her. _Who are you kidding?_ the monster cajoled him from within. _You can smell the trepidation on her. Go on, enjoy it – bask in it. That's fear. That's her blood calling out for you to take her._

_No_, another part of him countered. It was the civilized Edward Cullen he'd chosen to present to the world, not the demonic bloodsucker that fate had tried to force upon him. _You can't do this._Images of Carlisle flashed in his head, of the life he'd tried to make for his family. Edward his son, Esme his wife. Edward's brothers and sisters, all come together in this life to become one coven, one family knit as tightly together as if by blood. He tried to picture what Carlisle would think if he rushed to the hospital today, not contemplating the possibilities of how Bella Swan's mind could mute itself to him, but instead explaining the details of her death. He knew they would have to leave immediately. They couldn't stay in a place they'd spilt blood. They would have to cover it up, which would prove to be more problematic as she was the Sheriff's daughter. More importantly, he tried to venture whether or not Carlisle would forgive him. Edward knew the answer as soon as he dared think the question – he would be forgiven even before he committed the atrocity. Carlisle loved him, and he would forgive his son for succumbing to his true nature.

He white knuckled, his thoughts interrupted and his entire body tensing up as she lifted a hand to one of her dark locks, tugging it to her nose. Was she sniffing her hair? Trying to see if her smell had caused his reaction, no doubt. _Your nostrils aren't equipped to find that answer_, the growl sounded, and he tried to squash it once more. Yet his fluttering eyes caught sight of something that had been until then hidden by her long sleeves, having rolled down her arm when she'd raised her hand.

_Oh no_, he pleaded, blinking away phantom tears of excruciating pain. _Please, no_.

But the monster was there in the same moment as his mouth all but careened gleefully at the poor girl. _Her wrists_.

They were carved in quick, haphazard patterns running along her otherwise translucent flesh. There it was, the bloody canvas that called out to him so vehemently. He was transfixed by them in a gruesome way. He almost found them… beautiful….

The arm recoiled in an aggravated jerking motion, and he glanced up to see its owner displeased with his apparent staring. Dear God, had he really been staring at her cuts? The look in her eyes was the only confirmation he needed. Edward choked as he tried to force out an audible apology. "I - I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…."


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella's POV.**

A cactus. A cactus was all her mother's memory left behind. A tiny momentum for all the years she had been with Bella and soon disappeared. It's not as if those years were the greatest to the clumsy brunette, but they were hours, days, simple moments with her scatterbrained mother. And a moment was more than she had now. It was time to say goodbye Arizona, and Hello Forks, Washington; this was not something she was completely excited about, but as she began to sit and wait for the car that would soon arrive, she realized she truly felt nothing. Like always. She was numb.

"Isabella, dear!" A womans' voice called and brought Bella back from her reverie. She looked up to view a woman in a black suit with black pumps to match, her hair was a beautiful blonde and her eyes, ice blue. She waved Bella over, and she picked up her bag and her lonely old cactus she would know now as 'Renee'. She slid her bag over her shoulder and carried one in hand with the other as she weighed the cactus and walked away from the home she once knew. She wouldn't look back, she promised herself. That house held nothing but indefinite and terrifying memories. Would the ghosts of them keep the new owners awake at night? Would their daughter wake up and realize the sudden anxiety, fear, and pain just as Bella had nearly every single week for years..? "Don't", her brain begged of her. "Don't do this to yourself." Bella took a deep breath and walked over to Susan, the woman from Social Services who would escort her to the airport where she would fly away. Miles and miles. States away. High above, she would soar. The idea of this soothed her, so many times she wished she could fly away, yet her thoughts-he-would not let her. Held her within his tight grip and would not allow her to breathe. She suffocated within his palm.

The car ride was still, quiet most of the way. And the charcoal bruquette would have had it no other way, she was comfortable in silence. Her ipod would usually take the pain and slip the comfort, but she saved that for the plane. The nauseating smell of the inside of the plane was horrendous, Bella noted, as she sat in her seat near the window. The view would most definitely, be extremely pleasant, however she feared the noise and the smell her nostrils would not allow her to get used to.

The plane ride was alright to boot, her ipod had kept her company perfectly, and her nose was absent about the smell that was upon the plane around her. The view was amazing, undoubtedly, and she closed her eyes when the plane was in the sky. Thinking to herself 'fly. fly away. it's alright to soar. run. run away. no one can hurt you anymore." She squeezed her wrist tightly and winced from the pain. Happier and happier as the moments went by.  
>*~*<p>

She wondered how to address him, if she would call him Charlie, would his feelings be hurt? But would father be the right label? 'More like absent father who never came... Stop it!' her mind halted in absolute anger. "There is no one to blame but yourself. No one to blame but yourself. No one to blame." Her hand balled into a fist in fury as she mentally slapper herself for thinking anyone else was to blame. It was her fault, of course it was. Her fault she was so weak and human. Her fault she didn't fight back harder. Her fault that her mother was dead. "What's your fault?" A gruff voice greeted her, she gasped shortly and flinched at the sound of it. "Oh.. Sorry." He muttered and patted her hand awkwardly, she felt the same thing as his skin touched hers. Not only awkwardness but fear and the sheer feeling of being completely uncomfortable. She didn't want him to touch her, it was extremely weird to her. Comfort wasn't something she usually received, especially from her absent father, Charlie Swan. He was the Chief in Forks. Forks, Washington which was already making an impression on Bella. It was dark, cloudy, there weren't very many people there, which meant that everyone possibly knew everyone else. A feeling which displeased her-everyone would know she was arriving. The daughter of Police Chief Swan. How commendable, she thought sarcastically.

They arrived at their two story house, shortly. It was simple, quaint, Bella enjoyed that very much. As she got out of the car, she fingered her cactus, careful not to hurt herself too much, but aware enough of the shrill throbbing in her fingers it created. It soothed her for a reason she had not realized yet. Pain was her soothing hero. Her dark knight, as it created terrible pain and splattered blood upon her holy, ivory skin. "Well, here it all is." Her father spoke again as they walked inside of the house and up the stairs. "This.. Is your room." He pointed to a room at the end of the hall and she walked towards it. There were small, child-like pictures and decorations around the room. She pondered on the idea of asking whether he had another child or not, but his voice interrupted that thought, as usual. "Do you remember these? You drew them." he laughed shortly, and she stared, wide-eyed and shook her head. I drew these? I was here before? "No... No, I don't." She looked over to Charlie, whom had a look of disappointment and sadness upon his face. "I mean-I-I don't remember most of my childhood. It's all jumbled in here." She laughed, awkwardly and pointed to her head. "R-Renee once said that I jumped into a pool in the nude! I don't remember that either." She laughed again, and stopped quickly. Oh God, Bella. Really? A nude memory? That's great! She looked over to Charlie for her quick recovery. He only smiled and shook his head. "Jacob and his father, Billy Black are coming over in a bit. I have a surprise for you. So unpack and come down when you feel you're done or tired." He left her bags on the floor and turned away from her. She sighed and sat down on the bed, this was her new home. For now, at least. She was already 17, one more year and she could leave if she wanted, go anywhere in the world if she had just the right amount of money... Start new. Or maybe this was her new start? Her time to make new memories. She feared most of them to be found in her room, where she would do nothing but read or sleep. There was no television to be found in her isolated heaven. Charlie didn't seem like the hovering type.

"Bella! Billy and Jacob are here!" Charlie called for her, and she looked outside the window to see an exquisite orange truck sitting outside and a man in a wheelchair along with a boy with long hair in a beanie. She skipped downstairs, nearly falling down them as her shoe lace caught beneath her other foot. She quickly tied it and went down the driveway to meet them. They were both tan, odd how that was since Forks was never sunny, she guessed they were possibly another origin than she. "Hey. Do you remember me?" The long haired boy walked up to her. "We used to make mud pies together here by my place." Bella blinked, slowly, trying to remember that memory, but it wasn't in her mind anymore. "No.. Uh.. I'm sorry. My mind is out the window right now, new place, new school and all." She laughed slowly, and he nodded in understanding, shaking her hand and letting it go. He was kind to her, she liked that, maybe they'd hang out in school together. He was a year or two younger than her, she could tell, but young kids were fun too. It would be nice to know someone rather than be a total stranger to school. "I'm going to guess you don't remember me either. I'm Billy Black, Miss Swan." He smiled at her, and she shook his hand as well. "Oh. It's great to meet you. Or rather re-meet you." She chuckled and he smiled at her as well. Kind people, she had thought. After, Billy and Charlie got to talking and messing around, leaving Jacob and Bella to themselves. "So, you like this truck?" He asked and smiled cheekily at her, smug ass, she thought rudely. "Oh yeah. It's beautiful. I love it. Watch out, I amy steal it from you." She laughed and smiled. "No need." He replied, still smiling. She had a questioning look upon her face. "This is yours. Charlie just bought it off me." Bella was in awe, a car? For her? "Yeah. This is yours. Think of it as a welcome home present." He smiled and tapped the truck's side. "Oh my god! This car is so amazing, holy crow!" She nearly squealed as Jacob offered to teach her how to drive stick. She opened the door and clumsily hit him in the knee, she swore at herself and quickly apologized to him nearly a thousand times before they entered the cab. There he told her exactly what to do, and that he had also went to school on the reservation. "Oh man, that's a bummer. It would have been nice to know someone at school..." She bit down on her lower lip and sighed.

It was her first night in Forks, and it was the most frightening. She lie in bed, watching her door in the darkness. She had locked her door, but was afraid of what would happen once she closed her eyes, she watched for what seemed like hours even though they could have very much been only minutes, she was trembling and sweating. Panting and terrified of someone opening that door and coming for her. She began to cry as she thought about those nights when Phil, her stepfather, had come in and done those things to her. How he had taken everything that she was. Shattered her into a million pieces, and there was no one to put her back and make her whole, erase the painful things that happened. No one to erase his hands caressing her legs, or his lips upon her neck, his body writhing against hers as he had entered her so many times and she had sobbed for so long, for so many hours. He took everything that she was. Her soul, her joy, her ability to wake up and feel okay as the sun shone down on her. He took everything. Everything. And she was nothing now. She was nothing. She stopped her cries and sat up in bed, she knew what she had to do. She knew how to punish herself for allowing those things to happen to her so many times. She threw her blankets off and turned on the light, fishing a razor out of her bag. Tears she could not stop streamed down her face and she put the razor to her skin, allowing it to bite her time and time again. Her dark knight come to rip patterns within her satin and ivory skin, come to make it's presence known, and allow her to know that it came to damage her and that only this dark knight could hurt her. In those moments when the Dark Knight spilt blood, she felt invincible. The only thing that could hurt her was within her grasp. Nothing could touch her. Not even Phil.

She awoke, the sting of fresh cuts upon her skin. It was her first day of school now, the first day the Chief's long lost daughter would walk within the halls of Forks High. She dreaded this day more than any other.

As she drove up and into the driveway of the high school and parked, her cab backfired, and she cursed at herself again. Feeling completely mortified and embarrassed, hoping no one was looking. As she open her eyes since she clenched them shut, her wish had gone unheard and students were staring and laughing. She got out of the cab and slammed the door, loudly. "Nice truck." A boy commented, rudely and laughed. "Yeah, thanks." She only wished she could send crude signs and words towards him, if only she was capable of those types of things.

The day went by almost too quickly. It was lunch now. more stares and silent conversations going on, along with the boys turning her way to get a pleasant view of the 'new meat' as she heard Mike Welch describe her as. As disgusting as that was, she chose to ignore it, pretend she never heard him say a word. She sat down next to the girl who was the kindest to her, Angela Webber, she had not said a bad thing about her, or even a whisper as she had come. Not that she knew of, at least. But Angela didn't seem the type. She sat and ate her piece of celery as conversation went on and on around her, she chose to remain completely silent. Friends weren't top on her list while she was here. "Oh my gosh.. Edward Cullen is staring at our table." Jessica Stanley nearly squealed. 'Who?' Bella wanted to ask, but instead, took a look of her own at this infamour Edward Cullen that Jessica was so excited by. But Jessica was wrong. He wasn't just staring at their table, he was staring right at her. Their eyes locked for a fraction of a second as she took him into view and blushed fiercely as she looked away. He seemed to be frighteningly beautiful, and bizarre. There was something new about him, something she hadn't seen, she knew that quite well. She allowed another look towards him and yet another glance was taken from him, she pretended to be looking the other way, out the window and not towards him. He had lovely reddish-bronze hair and his skin was pale, his eyes a light onyx. He was... Dazzling.

The bell then rang quickly, her next class was Biology. Eric and Tyler, more admirers offered to escort her there, she only said yes due to the fact she had no idea where the class room was. She walked into the class room and saw the boy there again, walking in front of the fan, she closed her eyes for a second as the breeze rolled through her long locks and down her spine. She opened her eyes to realize the boy whom had come to be known as Edward covering his nose. 'What the...', she could not place why he would do that to her. She handed her teacher her slip and he sent her to sit by no other than Edward freaking Cullen. She sighed angrily as she sat down next to this boy. She smelled her hair, and then her own skin, forgetting the flesh on her skin was marked by the Dark Knight only nights before. New, fresh cuts. She gasped in horror as she caught Edward Cullen staring wide eyed at her wrist. Oh God.. No.. Fuck! She cursed at herself and hid her hand quickly, staring at him like he was the devil in flesh and had come to only mock her. Anger and fear shot through her. She raised her hand and waved it so the teacher would notice her presence. She had to get out, had to run away. "M-Mr. Barnett. I think I need to see the nurse. I-I f-feel very sick." She studdered and panted through her sentence, needing a quick getaway from all of this. He nodded and allowed her to go to the nurses. All she really did, was immediately run to her car and get the hell out of Forks High School.

Oh God, will he tell anyone? What will he do? Will he run after me? Will he let people know what he saw? Why oh god why did I have to smell myself, how stupid of me! How stupid of Edward Stupid Cullen for-she fought with herself like a child and allowed an angered groan to immerse from her. She keyed her truck and immediately went home.  
>*~*<p>

Second day of school, second day to see Edward Cullen. Second day to make a fool of herself, but this time she was ready. She couldn't run away forever. She waited for lunch to come and she knew exactly what she would do.

She walked straight towards Edward's table. With only an apple in hand, she noticed several other completely dazzling creatures sitting next to him, she wondered why she had not noticed them before, but then again, Edward Cullen had all of her attention the last day. She took a deep breath and approached him. Panicking as she thought he may have told Mr. Barnett, or possibly the other teenagers sitting at the table. "C-can we talk? I mean it's.. It's really important." She swallowed and watched as he gave her a short nod and she turned away from him, leading him outside the lunch room and towards a secluded area. "I know what you saw yesterday.. And chances are they are exactly what you think they are.. You didn't tell anyone, did you? No one knows, no one can know, so I am begging you not to tell a soul! Please.. Just pretend they aren't there. There are things you don't understand and possibly won't but... I need you to understand that I am terrified of anyone knowing." She took a large deep breath and looked up at him for the first time, laying a hand on her arm where the dark knight had danced across her skin so many times. "No one needs to know about this." She sighed and shook her head, waiting for anything he would say.


	3. Chapter 3

The lump in Edward Cullen's throat was unruly as he tried to bite his tongue and let his better half dominate. This moment was crucial; the girl beside him - _the morsel_, his mind growled - _No_. He would not, could not let that happen - was so unnerved by him that she called on the teacher, stammering out an excuse of illness so she could escape. Not that he blamed her, she was right to do so. Or God only knows what he would have seen fit to do after class. Lure her to the woods maybe, where he could sink his teeth into that yielding carotid artery that protruded so elegantly from her jugular when she tensed up in fright. But would he have even had the patience for that? The answer was all too plain: if he'd had any more exposure to her fresh cuts, there wasn't a depth of his mind that fathomed being able to stand it. God forbid if she was to pick at her scabs, or worse, have a fancy of sneakily trying to mutilate her ivory canvas in the seat next to him. Edward had memorized the number of students in the classroom, the only exit, and knew the fire windows weren't an option for his fellow classmates since he was positioned at the vantage point right beside them. He could effectively have snapped at least ten of their necks before the others caught wind of his actions and started screaming. Another five or so before they all made it out of their seats to dash for the hallway. That still wouldn't be enough; a few would have gotten away to tell the tale, not to mention alert the entire school of he and his family's true nature. This was all in assumption that he could hold out long enough not to lunge for her immediately from the sight and smell of an open wound, which was even more impossible a feat. In one bad judgment call, Edward could completely destroy the Cullens' chances of living amongst the mortal population of not only Forks, but any city within hundreds and thousands of miles from here. All over one silly little girl who smelled too delectable for her own good.

Edward watched her like a hawk as she scooted noisily out of her lab chair, scraping the metal legs along the floor in her haste to be out of his proximity. His senses palpitated in time with the fluttering of her erratic heartbeat as she stole away down the aisle and through the classroom door. Slowly, the monster within him faded to the backdrop, and when people stopped staring in his direction the echo of the dangerous, however fleeting it may have been, moment lingered in the air around him. With a testing inhale, he caught himself just as the flames returned to lick at the lining of his esophagus. While her presence had gone, her scent hadn't, and it set his throat ablaze as badly as if she were still sitting beside him. Edward was all but positive he'd go mad by the time Biology hour was up and he could follow after her to the nurse's office.

Was that the right thing to do? Pursue this girl, who'd nearly wrecked everything he'd made of himself this last century? Why should he let her? She had no right. Just to check on her, perhaps. _You could allow a peak in through the building's window, couldn't you? No, not even then. You just have to steer clear of her from now on,_ he assured himself._ That's all._

_But how well will that work tomorrow, when you have to face her beside you once more, at this table if not in lunch?_A low oath reverberated in his skull. He'd have to face her eventually. Running away would do no good. If his own curiosity didn't get the better of him, he knew he'd at least be putting his family through an ordeal picking up and moving again. They were comfortable where they were, and most importantly, they had it better here than almost anywhere else they'd stayed as a family, the way they were meant to be. Why should he let Bella Swan disrupt that?

_Maybe a day or two. Some space might give you a better perspective of things for when you have to confront her again. And by then she may have let go of the whole thing_. Shaking his head, contrite, Edward knew the answer. He didn't like it, but he couldn't argue with it. He couldn't avoid this girl like the plague; she wasn't after all. It wasn't her fault for the way he reacted to her blood anymore than the other mortals who he surrounded himself with day in and day out. It was his choice, as it was all of his family's; they knew the risks, and they were the ones who chanced it, thinking their wills were strong enough to resist. _No, knew_, Edward bolstered himself. _We know we can do it. _I_ know I can do it_. And with that, he resolved himself to return tomorrow with a wary eye and his full wits about himself. He couldn't have a repeat of today's events. Tomorrow, he would be ready for whatever came his way.

Dolefully, he held his breath until the end of the class, grateful for the bleak quittance of not being called on by Mr. Banner and having to intake that poisonous, scalding air to his lungs once more. Edward waited until he was clear of the room before flaring his nostrils to the cool, damp air of the outdoors, picking up on the direction she'd gone immediately. It was incredible how her scent lingered; or was it just his newfound potency to it? Either way, it didn't carry him in the direction of the nurse's station, veering off towards the parking lot instead. Coming to a halt at the sidewalk's edge surrounding the pavement expanse, he took his first deep breath in what felt like an eon as he took in which direction she'd headed to. His eyes flickered to a vacant space just a few cars to his left. So she'd gone home. _Couldn't bear the thought of running into me for the rest of the day_, he scolded himself as he trudged over to his next class he gratefully shared with his sister, Alice. Only today would it prove to be an unlucky circumstance, as he acknowledged when he walked through the passageway to the class. _She saw_, he groaned, referring to her honed ability to see events in the future, the Cullens' own petite prophet. Alice was playing it back in her head like a tape recorder, and he marveled at the clarity of it. _Had I really been so intent upon killing her? _he mused.

As he took his seat beside her, Edward braced himself for the events to follow. "Why did you want to do that so badly?" Well that was a surprise. Didn't she see all that he'd seen in her vision?

"Play it again," he requested, wanting to examine her memory of the vision more thoroughly. She begrudgingly obliged, and sure enough they were omit. No cuts, no memory of the girls' wrists at all. But should he tell her? Was it for Alice to know? This was Bella's secret after all, he had no right exposing it. Of the matter of secrets he was well versed, and knew if she were to have learnt of his true nature he'd want her silence more than anything. But could he afford to? What if telling his sister she hurt herself was the key to ultimately saving her life so she would not die by his own hand. Palms up, he glanced down at his pale digits. The hands of a murderer. A bloodthirsty, hellish killer.

"Well?" Alice pressed from his right.

"It was... that fan," he supplied. "You saw how it blew right her scent right in my face like that. It completely caught me off guard. I was unprepared for it," Edward carried on, pulling strings to make them sound as convincing as possible as he went. "I'll be ready for her tomorrow. Don't worry."

"I've never seen anyone's blood have that kind of an effect on you like that before," Alice continued in a doubtful, barely audible whisper. He saw the wheels churning in her mind, processing the information. Suddenly, a light bulb went up. _La tua cantante_. Edward's eyes glazed in time with his sister's as they shared another memory, this time of one of Carlisle's many teachings, something he'd learned from his days spent with the Volturi in Volterra, Italy. There were rare instances wherein a vampire crossed paths with a human whose blood literally called out to them, it was so powerful. Though the Cullens were one of the only covens to practice the vampiric vegetarian lifestyle of dining on animal blood, even an immortal whose palette was more traditional could tell the difference in an instant. Instead of merely wanting to feast on the subject, they felt a burning need a tenfold more powerful than that of a usual mortal. The effect was undeniably incontrollable, and this was what had sparked up in Alice 's mind as a solution for this afternoon's turn of events in Biology. While Edward had the uncanny reasoning to assume it to be very, very likely that this was also at fault, the similarities between the two instances too on the spot to dismiss, it also gave him an out for not delving into the more prominent reason for his misdemeanor. Her wrists could remain between the two of them. At least, until he knew that it was indeed between the two of them, which wouldn't come until tomorrow at the earliest.

"That's it," he murmured once Alice had pulled out of her reverie. "That must be it. It was cataclysmal how powerful that scent just… sort of took over me."

Alice 's tiny hand laid upon his own, a comforting gesture that completely matched her thoughts and her fading topaz hues. "Are you sure you can handle sitting next to that kind of scent five days a week?"

Edward put on his best airs, using the full power of his persuasion to reassure his beloved sister. "We'll find out tomorrow, won't we?" he smirked.

That seemed to satisfy Alice well enough. She sat back in her chair and tried to look normally attentive to the lecture at hand. Edward did the same, fitting into the human charade as per usual on the surface while his mind wandered to a place that contained zigzag patterns in the deepest ruby red.

* * *

><p>The mountain lion that coursed through his veins later that night was manna, and he gloated himself ravenously. It was out of character for him, usually being Emmett the one covered in the spoils of his dinner. Tonight, it was Edward all alone in the mountain range several miles away from the insolent little town of Forks. Nothing but him and the felines he'd drained of their life essence. He knew soon it would be dawn and he'd have to begin to make the voyage home, but he pushed it from his mind for now. He concentrated instead upon the taste that filled his senses, dulled them back into complacence. It was nothing near as potent as the call of Bella Swan's blood, but it would do. He would see to it. Tomorrow would come, and he would be too full of animal blood to even bother with hers.<p>

_Wishful thinking_, the ghost of the growl he'd experienced in the Biology lab whispered, trying to resurface at the memory of this afternoon. He wasn't having it. Shoving the thought back into the further recesses of his mind, Edward stood and surveyed the slope at his feet. The severe mountainside was comforting in its lack of cultivation, so uncivilized. It matched what he needed to feel, the weight of the human race lifting off of his shoulders and surrendering it to the rigid range. Calm slowly seeped into his every niche until there was nothing left of the fierce evil that had earlier possessed him. He was his own man again.

_Well_, he mused with a glance over the still carcass at his feet. _Vampire_.

But that was alright. This is who he was, what he was. And until today he'd been able to make himself content within it. Tomorrow Edward would return to the rhythm he'd established even if it meant learning how to ignore the call of her blood. _I mean, what other choice do I have? It's not like I can kill the girl. I can't. I'm not that person anymore._

Isabella Swan. A living, breathing creature with every right to live. Edward Cullen would not be the one to squander it. No matter what hell it might put him through.

* * *

><p>Lunch. It had to come around eventually. Edward wasn't so sure why he let it bother him so much when he knew he'd chosen this in the first place, planned it out in his mind a thousand times the night before, and weighed his options for how to handle Bella Swan. Should he approach her first? No, that would draw too much unnecessary attention to her. Should he apologize? That was a given. What he'd done was foolish and in the moment, something he normally would have been more collected than to let happen. Should he act friendly? Well, sure, but then there was the problem of her wanting to seek counsel with him, possibly turn to him to share her secret with. That would obviously do more harm than good. Perhaps show how sincere he was in his amends, then take leave of his manners and show him the side of her he wanted her to see: the Edward Cullen that nearly everyone on the face of the Earth knew. This mysterious, austere boy, a wealthy outcast whose sole company was that of his adoptive kin. He'd gotten away with this disguise for so long it was almost second nature. But could he do that to her as well?<p>

Edward didn't have long to lament over the notion. A moment later, the others across the table from him were peering up at her through their lashes, and he saw her approaching his table through their eyes. _What the-?_

Her voice came from close to his head, which he cocked to the side to glance up into her face. How had he not caught how dulcet her voice was until just now? Still, he nodded in response, and rose from his chair, shooting his brothers and sisters a glance that roughly translated into: stay where you are. This wasn't a conversation he particularly wished to be eavesdropped on. Luck was in his favor, at least in part, for she took him straight out of the lunch hall altogether to a tiny, remote corner of a nearby building. He was patient, waited out to hear all that she had to say. Strange, but her words weren't what he was being most attentive to, though he knew he should have. Bella's voice was truly lovely, but her actions, her quick, unsettled little twitches, Bella before his eyes in general was what he was most trained on. Their gazes met, her hand brushing over her marred wrist, and he knew. She was terrified. Not of him, but him telling anyone else what he'd seen. _At least I got something right_, he thought to himself with relief. His chance at telling Alice what he knew of her mutilation had not gone awry. _This would be so much easier if I could just read your mind. I might not always win at this guessing game._ But he had once, for something this important. Of that, he was jubilant. Eventually, she grew silent, nervous after voicing her request to keep this between the two of them. Again, he shocked himself with his response to her. Not verbally, but physically, emotionally; Edward wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her, make her aware of how aware _he_ was of her.

"It's fascinating, the effect they had on me," Edward began slowly, calculative with the amount of breath he'd drawn in whilst out of her proximity. He was aiming not to inhale too much around her. "Your wrist, I mean. The, um - yeah," he trailed off badly, silenced by the look in Bella's eyes. "You said you don't want anyone to know, and that's fine. I'd kind of assumed that. The way you bolted... look," he sighed. _Damn it._ A slow intake of floral air into his lungs set them ablaze, but kept the monster at bay. "I don't plan on telling anyone. But yesterday, my reaction. I want you to know that wasn't your fault. If it were under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have minded or handled it so poorly. It was downright rude of me. I'm sorry I behaved that way," he atoned. As much emotion he could press into the words, he found as he said them how true they were. While he wasn't sorry he'd seen, he was apologetic that he'd reacted to the sight, to her, the way he did. If he'd had the chance to do it again, he would not have given her such a poor first impression.

This guessing game was so new to him. Though he tried to read her, tried to force his way into the depth of her cranium, nothing. Her facade was well put up; if only she would grant him permission through her eyes. Edward had his best chance at seeking the privacy of the things that were running around in her head when gazing into those chestnut orbs. Wide, pleasantly warm pools of emotion, they would show him what he wanted to know. What he'd never had to ask to see before. What usually annoyed him to no end to be privy to.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, more softly this time. "If you'd be willing to talk longer, where there'd be no chance of being overheard or disturbed... believe it or not, this place actually has its own library," he chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's practically deserted most days. There are tables at the far back. If you're satisfied with knowing I won't tell anyone about what I saw, then you don't need to show. But if you'd like to talk more, like I do," he admitted, hopeful to capture her curiosity, "you can find me there tonight." Edward held his breath until the bell rang a moment later, turning to head straight for the Biology lab. He couldn't wait for her response. Not because he didn't want to know, but for some reason he didn't think he could bear it if she were to outright decline his invitation.

_Why?_ a little voice sounded in his head. _What is she to you?_

Squinting up into the pouring rain, it felt almost warm as it cascaded down his ice cold cheeks. _That's a very good question_. 

* * *

><p>Today was easier. Today, Edward sat perfectly still<p> 


End file.
